Not Goodbye
by Ellivia22
Summary: When the twins are about to start college, they find themselves about to face the hardest situation ever: being without each other. Zack/Cody NOT twincest! R


(A/N: Hello! I hope you all are having a wonderful week so far, and as always, I hope you enjoy this story. Please review. Love, Ellivia22)

Disclaimer: Suite Life is my entire world, but yet I do not own it :(

******Not Goodbye**

******By: Ellivia22**

******Zack**

"Geeze Cody. How many books do you have in here?" I ask as I adjust my hold of the box in my arms.

"Probably more than you've ever read," Cody comments back.

We start up the stairs. "Isn't that the truth," I mutter. "Remind me again why I'm helping you move into your dorm?"

We drop the boxes on his bed. "Because Mom had to do a show in Phoenix this weekend, so you are all I have left. Besides, it was the only way you were able to talk me into helping you move into yours."

I grin at him sheepishly. "Okay, you got me there. Though I should be charging you for labor, since you have more stuff."

"In your dreams," Cody answers back. We leave his new room and go back to the car. I suddenly become lost in thought, which is strange for me.

I can't believe how fast time has flown. It seems just like yesterday, Cody and I were graduating from high school. Now this coming Monday, Cody and I are going to start college. The thing that is scaring me the most is that this time, Cody and I will truly be going our separate ways.

As expected, Cody received a full scholarship to Yale, along with Bailey. As for me, I got accepted to Boston University. I don't care if it's not a popular university, like Yale. I'm just happy that even with my grades I got accepted somewhere.

Cody and I spent all day yesterday moving my stuff into my new dorm. I even met my new roommate, Jason. He seems like a nice guy. Today is the complete opposite. I drove Cody to New Haven in Mom's car and am helping him move in.

I glance at my twin out of the corner of my eye. His face is bright and happy; the happiest I've ever seen him. I'm so glad that he's happy, even if the pit of my stomach is being tied up into knots.

In the eighteen years of our existence, Cody and I have only been apart once. That was back when we were twelve and he went to Math camp. He wasn't even gone more than a day and I missed him terribly. I tried to hide it, but Cody saw right through me.

I so badly want to tell him how much I'm going to miss him, how afraid I am to be without him. Most of all, I want to tell him how much I love him, even though I don't show it much. But I can't. I'm a coward and too afraid to show my emotions. And after a few more boxes from the car, our separate lives will begin.

"Zack?" Are you even listening to me?"

"Huh?" I ask, snapping out of my thoughts.

Cody gives me a strange look. "What is up with you? You haven't heard a word I said since the last couple of trips to the car and back."

My mind races, trying to think of something, anything intelligent to say. But like always, I come up with nothing. I force a smile on my face. "Just thinking about Maya."

Cody raises an eyebrow, making me wonder if he believes me or not. "Well get your head out of the clouds, Romeo, and help me with the last two boxes."

I sock him in the arm playfully then grab one of the remaining boxes. "So are you going to miss me?" Cody asks, changing the subject.

"If I say yes, will you still write my papers and e-mail them to me?" I say half jokingly.

He laughs. "Sorry Zack, but this isn't high school. We could get into big trouble for doing that," he gives me a reassuring smile. "I'm sure you'll do fine. You're a lot smarter than people give you credit."

I smile back. "Thanks, Cody." We drop the boxes in front of his bed.

An awkward silence passes between us. I look anywhere but at my twin. This is the moment; the moment where we go our separate ways. My heart is thudding hard against my chest. I don't know if I can do this. Do I really have to say goodbye to my twin, my best friend?

Swallowing the lump in my throat, I hold out my hand. "It's been a pleasure."

I wince slightly, seeing the failed attempt to repress the pain on his face. Cody forces a smile on his face and shakes my hand. "Thanks for helping me move in. Text me when you get back to Boston so I know you made it okay."

"Will do," I turn and leave his room.

As I walk back to the car, I silently berate myself. ___Why didn't I tell him how much I'm going to miss him? Why didn't I tell him a proper goodbye? Why didn't I hug him and tell him I love him? Why did I act like we were complete strangers?_

___Because you are a coward, Zack Martin, _a voice whispers in my head.

Right when I start up the car, I notice something in the backseat. Something Cody forgot. Quickly I grab it and head back to Cody's dorm.

******Cody**

___Well what were you expecting? A hug and declaration of how much he's going to miss you?_ I keep asking myself.

___Yes_, I answer my own question.

Even though Zack and I have been growing apart these past few years, I had hoped that he would show some indication that he'll miss me. Throughout all the years of teasing, I hoped that deep inside he cared about me, he loved me. I keep trying to tell myself that it doesn't matter. I'm going to miss him more than anything, because he's not only my brother, but my twin.

I sigh as I think about what had just happened a few minutes ago. We said goodbye as if we were complete strangers-not twin brothers. As much as I don't want to admit it, to myself or anybody else, but that hurt me more than anything Zack has ever done to me. It made me feel like I don't mean anything to him.

Suddenly my twin instinct kicks in. Zack is still here.

I look up from the box I was about to open. Zack is standing in the doorway of my new room. I'm surprised that he hasn't left yet. "What's up?" I ask in curiosity

"You…uh, left your ink pen in the backseat," he stammers.

I stare at him in disbelief. "Are you telling me that you came all the way back here because of an ink pen?"

He shifts around uncomfortably. "Well…yeah."

I get up from off the floor and move closer. As I stare at Zack's face, I begin to understand why he ___really_ came back. This understanding makes all the pain disappear. I smile a knowing smile. "Do you know what my twin telepathy is telling me?" I ask.

Zack lifts his head and meets my gaze. "What?"

"That you want to say goodbye to me, but are afraid of showing too much emotion."

Zack's eyes grow wide. His blue eyes are like open windows into his soul. He has never been this easy to read before. Another thing suddenly becomes clear to me.

I swallow the lump in my throat. My eyes are burning, but I force myself to be strong. "You're not the only one who is afraid of being apart."

After a small painful silence, Zack finally speaks. "I know we won't be apart forever, but I still am afraid of being without you."

"Me too." A single tear escape from my eye. "But you can call or text me at any time. Just because we're going to separate colleges doesn't mean we can't still communicate. And we'll see each other during Christmas break. So look at it this way: this isn't goodbye."

Zack attempts to smile, but fails to do so. "I love you so much," he whispers.

I feel all warm by his confession. I rarely hear those words from him, but whenever I do, it gives me the best feeling in the world. "I love you too."

We move forward and into each other's arms. We hug each other tightly. "I'll miss you," he whispers.

"I'll miss you too." Both of us are starting to calm down.

After a few minutes we pull away. Zack keeps his arm around my shoulders. "Come on. Let's grab a bite to eat before I hit the road. On me."

I raise my eyebrow. "___You _are offering to pay?"

"Just this once, so don't get used to the idea," he says with a smile.

After locking the door, I walk with my older brother back to the car. A broad grin is on my face. He is truly one in a million.

******The End**

******Thanks for reading. Please review :)**


End file.
